Love Language

It's been a very hard week for me. My dearest husband has been away rafting through the Grand Canyon and has no cell service, so I have not talked to him in a long time. It's been very tough, but I am counting my blessings and have had some awesome friends come and keep me company. It's funny how many times "love languages" have come up this week. I am pretty much bilingual in "quality time" and "words of affirmation", though quality time is slightly higher. I feel the most blessed when people spend time with me, and lately I've come to realize just how important that is. Today my friend Lizzy and I spent most of the day chatting and driving to different places and she took some beautiful pictures of the children at the park (thank you Lizzy!!). She was amazing with this little boy who was sort of a mess of emotions, and helped me greatly with the kids in general. Sorry he stole your cake Lizzy. ha ha.


Here is Cade at 2 1/2 years and Amelia Violet at 5 months.
Enjoy!

Getting Healthy

Recently I've set up some new "goals" in my life. One of those is to slim down a bit; I've got about 15 pounds that I could do without, and I'm in the process of getting rid of it. I love sugar and I eat when I'm bored (which can happen pretty often when you're home with two little ones all day). Obviously with breastfeeding my options are limited as far as a diet, but I've found a nice modified healthy diet in the book "The Dukan Diet". I bought this book a few months ago after hearing about it during the royal wedding (don't laugh) and after reading up on this French diet quite a bit it sounded really good. I can't do an overly strict diet, pure proteins and vegetables only would affect my milk, but I'm starting to do a few of the recommendations. For instance, this morning I made my first "dukan gillette" and it was quite yummy. I'm trying to limit sugar as I'm a total addict, as well as salt/sodium, so this was a nice filling alternative for breakfast. It's made with oat bran, egg whites, fat free greek yogurt and sweetener. The bran is very good for you, it's full of fibre and expands to help you feel full. The protein from the yogurt and egg helps you body burn more calories to digest it. This is how it looked:

Not too bad, eh? Cade even tried to steal some from me. I'm also loving the focus on vegetables, because although I like them, I don't get enough. They all go to Cade. I'm also trying to phase out at least some of my caffeinated coffee in the morning. I purchased some decaf and I'm slowly mixing it in, as well as using a little sweetener to replace some of the sugar. I think Amelia Violet is possibly reacting to the coffee I drink in the mornings, so I'd like to see if she does better now. Usually if I just have some in the morning she is fine, but if I have any in the afternoon/evening she is up until midnight! Even with decaf!

So these things are all part of a bigger picture of improving me inside and out, and trying to get healthy in both those areas.

Shattered

It's interesting what has been going in with me lately. I feel a change in the air, like when autumn's first bite of cold air starts to draw the summer season to a close. My heart and soul are sensing something and the Holy Spirit is doing some good work. I don't talk about it a lot, but my emotional torment has been pretty intense these past 9 years. I've been through some things that have completely torn me apart and shattered my heart into a million pieces. I've been dragged around and messed about and it totally wrecked some areas of my character, and I hate that it has had such a power over me. I feel like I've been fighting my whole life, trying to navigate my world the best way that I could, but finding hurt at every corner, sadness at every turn. As a result I've looked for acceptance and love in the wrong places. I think that's why I am so determined to be the best mother I can be. I strive to fix what has been broken in generations past. I am trying to let God guide me and let Him in to heal my half sewn up heart. I have an amazing life now, a husband who loves me completely, and two amazing children that, even now, I can't believe are mine. They are just so beautiful. And I have never been happier! Thanks be to God for blessing me so abundantly, for saving me from tragedy. I know only too well that it could have gone a very different way. But He saw me when no one else did, He took me in His arms and guided me with his soft touch. Though I did not know it at the time, I was very well taken care of. I'm crying now just at the thought of it.
The recent reconciliation with my sister has brought up so many things that I have buried. I've had to recount some of the mess that I lived through. So now I feel exposed and a little raw and need to let God do His work and start to heal me properly, in the way only He can.